Just as with all things, change is inevitable. For the LIES That Limit subscribers and the Spirit of Purpose community, that means our offerings have evolved. We’ve moved the great information you value to a new place.
We don’t want you to miss out on the life coach lessons you seek. You can now get your daily or weekly dose of Spirit of Purpose inspiration, motivation and guidance these new ways.
The Spirit of Purpose Weekly E-Newsletter
The illuminating information that we previously posted on the LIES That Limit blog will be delivered to your inbox once a week. These quick reads help fortify your spirit and give you new tools to work through life’s challenges.
Here I provide quick-hit daily reminders that we have within us the power to achieve our dreams. We’ll also alert you each time I publish new articles on:
AND…all of my insightful articles, and more about the Spirit of Purpose community, are available at SpiritOfPurpose.com.
I encourage you to stay connected to the Spirit of Purpose community because personal growth is a life-long endeavor. And my purpose is to help others overcome challenges and take control of their destiny by opening their eyes to the LIES (Labels, Illusions. Excuses and Stories) That Limit their true potential.
Get a copy of the book that started it all. When you’re ready to dive in and change your life for the better, start by reading my book, LIES That Limit: Uncover The Truth Of Who You Really Are. It’s guaranteed to change the way you look at the world and your place in it. Starting at $5.95 for Kindle and other e-readers.
Do you ever consider how naturally the seasons change, from spring to summer to fall to winter to spring…the cycle effortlessly repeating itself, year after year? Think about it, day transitions into night and then day, again. This time of year, flowers push through the soil, bud and bloom for a while. Later, they lose their blossom, lie dormant for a time and burst forth again next year.
All around us, nature patiently teaches us that change is normal, natural, predictable and necessary. It’s the only way to have a fresh start, grow, develop and mature.
Often we resist the inevitability of change. That only serves to anger, frustrate and delay progress. The only way to take the sting out of change is to learn to accept it.
The next time you’re faced with change – whether self-initiated or forced upon you by circumstances – try going with it instead of screaming “NO,” digging your heels in and holding on in futility. Reduce the stress inherent in change by reducing resistance to the inevitable. Change is natural, just look around.
In a recent blog post titled, “The World’s Worst Boss,” Seth Godin reminded us that we are our own bosses. We’re in charge of all aspects of our lives. The post prods readers with statements like, “If you had a boss who talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would quit. Or one who wasted as much of your time as you do, she would be fired. And, if an organization paid as little attention to the development of its employees as you pay to yours, the business would fail.”
Tough talk with a positive purpose. Tough talk that reminds us that good self-management is a life-defining skill set. Now is a good time to take inventory of how you manage yourself and your career. Are you holding yourself back from opportunities because of self-doubt or fear? Are you kind to yourself, forgiving your mistakes, then taking the time to learn from them and grow? Could you use a little help managing your time and energy better? Are you waiting for someone else to suggest or recommend training or looking into another degree? If you’re the boss of you, then you can move toward the things you know will make you more effective, valuable and fulfilled.
Effective self-management is the foundation of success. Assess the way you manage your energy, time and talent. Then, make one constructive change that will help you become a better leader of your self.
Click here to read Seth Godin’s full blog.
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Alisa Bowman, author of “Project Happily Ever After,” says the key to happiness is not in getting, but in giving. Shawn Achor, a researcher and author of “Before Happiness,” says when we get what we want, we become accustomed to it and stop valuing the thing we thought was so important.
There are all kinds of reasons to be happy. It feels good and makes for a more enjoyable journey through life. But, according to Achor in a Forbes.com interview, research shows there are even more good reasons. “A positive mindset results in 23% greater energy in the midst of stress, 31% higher productivity, 37% higher levels of sales, 40% higher likelihood to be promoted, and improved longevity.”
My book “LIES That Limit,” explores the ways we unintentionally sabotage our personal happiness and success. While we can move from job to job, city to city, relationship to relationship and, feel the short-lived rush of pleasure and excitement, soon, longing for more, or new and different, is back, haunting us once again.
If you’ve been searching outside yourself for happiness, you’ve been going about this is all wrong. Happiness is a choice we make, independent of the circumstances of our lives. Arriving at that choice can be harder based on genetics and other forces beyond our control. But, at work, home and in all parts of life, we can choose to cultivate lasting happiness by giving to others. Being thankful for what you have, and demonstrating kindness and compassion.
As Achor puts it, “Happiness is NOT the belief that everything is great, happiness is the belief that change is possible.” In other words, if you have played or can play a role in creating positive change for someone else, you’ll learn to see yourself as someone who can create positive change in your own life. That is the key to true happiness — a strong belief that you are the master of your fate.
Remember when your mother told you to sit up straight? She knew what she was talking about. Research has validated her good advice.
Adoree Durayappah’s article in Psychology Today points out that when a person adopts the upright posture Mom always encouraged, they act in ways that represent power. And interestingly, as the article points out, “the sense of power produced by posture expansiveness is not contingent on one’s actual position of power, such as rank or title.”
Poor posture – rounded shoulders and back, head forward, chest collapsed onto the upper rib cage – tends to generate the feeling, and impression, of a lack of personal power and self-assurance. Upright posture – chest open, shoulders back, down and relaxed, head centered over the body – results in the outward appearance and internal feeling of confidence and strength. Experiment and feel the difference.
According to the article, “The role of power, as well as posture, both—independently—affect a person’s sense of power, but posture is more important in activating the power-related behaviors. This means that a high-power role can make you feel powerful, but doesn’t mean you will act in charge. In order to act in charge, you need a high-power posture.”
The next time you need to be especially powerful and influential, remember what your mother said, “Stand up straight, sit up straight.” Feel the instant sense of power and self-assurance a straight spine stimulates.
Do you ever have those times when you need a quiet place in your head and heart to hear yourself think. Sometimes you need space to do a little soul-searching and sorting in order to solve a complex business problem or get clarity about the next step in your career or life. Or maybe you need to get those creative juices flowing. For busy people, inner quiet, though sorely needed, can be illusive.
There are many ways to reduce distractions that hinder thinking, but here’s one of the easiest actions you can take that will help create the inner stillness you need to think things through. Go outside and be in nature. Walk in the park, around a nearby lake, beside the ocean, hike in the woods. Or, plop yourself down on the grass in your own backyard. It can even work in a city where nature is co-mingled with concrete. Just walk outside and find a green space or one where you can see the sky. The important thing is that you feel comfortable and safe enough to relax – maybe even close your eyes.
Once you’re out and about, to bring your focus inside of yourself, breathe deeply and avoid interaction with others. Be with yourself or better yet, be with no one. Relax your shoulders and feel the tension begin to melt away. If you can, focus on nothing – which is harder than it sounds. Turn off your “seeking mind” – the mind that seeks to understand, to explain, to make sense of all things. Doing this for just a few minutes will open up the space you need to revisit your task with openness and a renewed perspective.
While your answer may not come at the very minute you want it to, I assure you, it will. Albert Einstein, one of the history’s greatest thinkers once said, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.” Often that mind is tense, and it has become so slowly without notice. Once you get outside and begin to release that tension, patiently, wait and watch solutions flow.
Make this a practice and you will have another tremendous, at-the-ready, problem-solving tool.
Do you apologize for everything? For mistakes others make? For expressing an opinion that might be unpopular? For walking into a room? Do you take the blame for things that have nothing to do with you? Or when something is clearly someone else’s fault?
If you over-apologize, you’re not alone. For women, it’s very common to start sentences with “I’m sorry.” Women want to avoid conflict. We’re programmed to accept blame and strangely, that makes us feel in control of the situation. Nothing could be further from the truth. And, even though men are less likely to unnecessarily apologize, there are those who do.
Saying you’re sorry lessens your credibility. Rather than controlling the situation, it actually devalues what ever you say next. So does using pet phrases like “To be honest…,” or “I’ve just gotta say…,” or “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” Dr. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas suggests that by using such phrases, “We are emotionally distancing ourselves from our own message, without even knowing it.”
It’s important to communicate consciously – to state your point accurately and respectfully – all with the intent of being understood by the listener. Yet, many of us have pet phrases that have landed in our speech pattern and stuck. They are so common, often we don’t even hear ourselves use them. But just like body language can betray one’s authority and presence, these simple words can broadcast insecurity – they may even imply dishonesty.
Strengthen your impact as a communicator by eliminating every day pet phrases and common filler statements. Doing so will make you a more polished, confident and compelling communicator. The first step is to become aware of using them. You might not hear them until after they’ve left your lips. But all is not lost. Once you start to notice when and how often you apologize or use filler phrases, you can begin to consciously choose to stop yourself before you speak the damaging words out loud.
By nature, humans are afraid of silence. But until you’re ready to say something that will benefit you and the conversation, know that silence is fine. Hence the phrase “Silence is golden.” Silence will always sound better than the dreaded “ummm.” It will also serve you better than apologizing or verbally stepping back from what you’re about to say at a time when you should be speaking with commitment and confidence.