LIES That Limit Blog Has Moved!
Just as with all things, change is inevitable. For the LIES That Limit subscribers and the Spirit of Purpose community, that means our offerings have evolved. We’ve moved the great information you value to a new place.
We don’t want you to miss out on the life coach lessons you seek. You can now get your daily or weekly dose of Spirit of Purpose inspiration, motivation and guidance these new ways.
The Spirit of Purpose Weekly E-Newsletter
The illuminating information that we previously posted on the LIES That Limit blog will be delivered to your inbox once a week. These quick reads help fortify your spirit and give you new tools to work through life’s challenges.
The Spirit Of Purpose Facebook Community
Here I provide quick-hit daily reminders that we have within us the power to achieve our dreams. We’ll also alert you each time I publish new articles on:
and more…
AND…all of my insightful articles, and more about the Spirit of Purpose community, are available at SpiritOfPurpose.com.
I encourage you to stay connected to the Spirit of Purpose community because personal growth is a life-long endeavor. And my purpose is to help others overcome challenges and take control of their destiny by opening their eyes to the LIES (Labels, Illusions. Excuses and Stories) That Limit their true potential.
Get a copy of the book that started it all. When you’re ready to dive in and change your life for the better, start by reading my book, LIES That Limit: Uncover The Truth Of Who You Really Are. It’s guaranteed to change the way you look at the world and your place in it. Starting at $5.95 for Kindle and other e-readers.
Life Coach Lesson: Change Is Necessary
Do you ever consider how naturally the seasons change, from spring to summer to fall to winter to spring…the cycle effortlessly repeating itself, year after year? Think about it, day transitions into night and then day, again. This time of year, flowers push through the soil, bud and bloom for a while. Later, they lose their blossom, lie dormant for a time and burst forth again next year.
All around us, nature patiently teaches us that change is normal, natural, predictable and necessary. It’s the only way to have a fresh start, grow, develop and mature.
Often we resist the inevitability of change. That only serves to anger, frustrate and delay progress. The only way to take the sting out of change is to learn to accept it.
The next time you’re faced with change – whether self-initiated or forced upon you by circumstances – try going with it instead of screaming “NO,” digging your heels in and holding on in futility. Reduce the stress inherent in change by reducing resistance to the inevitable. Change is natural, just look around.
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Are You A Good Self Manager?
In a recent blog post titled, “The World’s Worst Boss,” Seth Godin reminded us that we are our own bosses. We’re in charge of all aspects of our lives. The post prods readers with statements like, “If you had a boss who talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would quit. Or one who wasted as much of your time as you do, she would be fired. And, if an organization paid as little attention to the development of its employees as you pay to yours, the business would fail.”
Tough talk with a positive purpose. Tough talk that reminds us that good self-management is a life-defining skill set. Now is a good time to take inventory of how you manage yourself and your career. Are you holding yourself back from opportunities because of self-doubt or fear? Are you kind to yourself, forgiving your mistakes, then taking the time to learn from them and grow? Could you use a little help managing your time and energy better? Are you waiting for someone else to suggest or recommend training or looking into another degree? If you’re the boss of you, then you can move toward the things you know will make you more effective, valuable and fulfilled.
Effective self-management is the foundation of success. Assess the way you manage your energy, time and talent. Then, make one constructive change that will help you become a better leader of your self.
Click here to read Seth Godin’s full blog.
For daily motivation and inspiration, join the growing Spirit of Purpose community on Facebook.
Your Key to Happiness May Be Helping Others
Alisa Bowman, author of “Project Happily Ever After,” says the key to happiness is not in getting, but in giving. Shawn Achor, a researcher and author of “Before Happiness,” says when we get what we want, we become accustomed to it and stop valuing the thing we thought was so important.
There are all kinds of reasons to be happy. It feels good and makes for a more enjoyable journey through life. But, according to Achor in a Forbes.com interview, research shows there are even more good reasons. “A positive mindset results in 23% greater energy in the midst of stress, 31% higher productivity, 37% higher levels of sales, 40% higher likelihood to be promoted, and improved longevity.”
My book “LIES That Limit,” explores the ways we unintentionally sabotage our personal happiness and success. While we can move from job to job, city to city, relationship to relationship and, feel the short-lived rush of pleasure and excitement, soon, longing for more, or new and different, is back, haunting us once again.
If you’ve been searching outside yourself for happiness, you’ve been going about this is all wrong. Happiness is a choice we make, independent of the circumstances of our lives. Arriving at that choice can be harder based on genetics and other forces beyond our control. But, at work, home and in all parts of life, we can choose to cultivate lasting happiness by giving to others. Being thankful for what you have, and demonstrating kindness and compassion.
As Achor puts it, “Happiness is NOT the belief that everything is great, happiness is the belief that change is possible.” In other words, if you have played or can play a role in creating positive change for someone else, you’ll learn to see yourself as someone who can create positive change in your own life. That is the key to true happiness — a strong belief that you are the master of your fate.
For more on happiness the true nature of happiness, check out Achor’s Ted Talk.
Life Coach Lesson: Instantly Summon Your Personal Power
Remember when your mother told you to sit up straight? She knew what she was talking about. Research has validated her good advice.
Adoree Durayappah’s article in Psychology Today points out that when a person adopts the upright posture Mom always encouraged, they act in ways that represent power. And interestingly, as the article points out, “the sense of power produced by posture expansiveness is not contingent on one’s actual position of power, such as rank or title.”
Poor posture – rounded shoulders and back, head forward, chest collapsed onto the upper rib cage – tends to generate the feeling, and impression, of a lack of personal power and self-assurance. Upright posture – chest open, shoulders back, down and relaxed, head centered over the body – results in the outward appearance and internal feeling of confidence and strength. Experiment and feel the difference.
According to the article, “The role of power, as well as posture, both—independently—affect a person’s sense of power, but posture is more important in activating the power-related behaviors. This means that a high-power role can make you feel powerful, but doesn’t mean you will act in charge. In order to act in charge, you need a high-power posture.”
The next time you need to be especially powerful and influential, remember what your mother said, “Stand up straight, sit up straight.” Feel the instant sense of power and self-assurance a straight spine stimulates.
Find Clarity With This Effortless Problem Solving Tool
Do you ever have those times when you need a quiet place in your head and heart to hear yourself think. Sometimes you need space to do a little soul-searching and sorting in order to solve a complex business problem or get clarity about the next step in your career or life. Or maybe you need to get those creative juices flowing. For busy people, inner quiet, though sorely needed, can be illusive.
There are many ways to reduce distractions that hinder thinking, but here’s one of the easiest actions you can take that will help create the inner stillness you need to think things through. Go outside and be in nature. Walk in the park, around a nearby lake, beside the ocean, hike in the woods. Or, plop yourself down on the grass in your own backyard. It can even work in a city where nature is co-mingled with concrete. Just walk outside and find a green space or one where you can see the sky. The important thing is that you feel comfortable and safe enough to relax – maybe even close your eyes.
Once you’re out and about, to bring your focus inside of yourself, breathe deeply and avoid interaction with others. Be with yourself or better yet, be with no one. Relax your shoulders and feel the tension begin to melt away. If you can, focus on nothing – which is harder than it sounds. Turn off your “seeking mind” – the mind that seeks to understand, to explain, to make sense of all things. Doing this for just a few minutes will open up the space you need to revisit your task with openness and a renewed perspective.
While your answer may not come at the very minute you want it to, I assure you, it will. Albert Einstein, one of the history’s greatest thinkers once said, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.” Often that mind is tense, and it has become so slowly without notice. Once you get outside and begin to release that tension, patiently, wait and watch solutions flow.
Make this a practice and you will have another tremendous, at-the-ready, problem-solving tool.
For daily tools and inspiration that will help you live better now, join the growing Spirit of Purpose community on Facebook and Twitter.
The Secret To Boosting Your Confidence
Do you apologize for everything? For mistakes others make? For expressing an opinion that might be unpopular? For walking into a room? Do you take the blame for things that have nothing to do with you? Or when something is clearly someone else’s fault?
If you over-apologize, you’re not alone. For women, it’s very common to start sentences with “I’m sorry.” Women want to avoid conflict. We’re programmed to accept blame and strangely, that makes us feel in control of the situation. Nothing could be further from the truth. And, even though men are less likely to unnecessarily apologize, there are those who do.
Saying you’re sorry lessens your credibility. Rather than controlling the situation, it actually devalues what ever you say next. So does using pet phrases like “To be honest…,” or “I’ve just gotta say…,” or “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” Dr. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas suggests that by using such phrases, “We are emotionally distancing ourselves from our own message, without even knowing it.”
It’s important to communicate consciously – to state your point accurately and respectfully – all with the intent of being understood by the listener. Yet, many of us have pet phrases that have landed in our speech pattern and stuck. They are so common, often we don’t even hear ourselves use them. But just like body language can betray one’s authority and presence, these simple words can broadcast insecurity – they may even imply dishonesty.
Strengthen your impact as a communicator by eliminating every day pet phrases and common filler statements. Doing so will make you a more polished, confident and compelling communicator. The first step is to become aware of using them. You might not hear them until after they’ve left your lips. But all is not lost. Once you start to notice when and how often you apologize or use filler phrases, you can begin to consciously choose to stop yourself before you speak the damaging words out loud.
By nature, humans are afraid of silence. But until you’re ready to say something that will benefit you and the conversation, know that silence is fine. Hence the phrase “Silence is golden.” Silence will always sound better than the dreaded “ummm.” It will also serve you better than apologizing or verbally stepping back from what you’re about to say at a time when you should be speaking with commitment and confidence.
Effortless Ways to End Stressed-Out Mania
A
re you busy – perhaps so busy those looking in would say you’re over-functioning? To nearly any request that comes your way, do you say, “Yes?” Do you take care of others to the point they regularly look to you to do what they really could do themselves? Overwhelmed and stressed, at the end of your 18-hour day you are spent, exhausted, and, too often, feel under-appreciated.
Do any of these descriptions capture the essence of your daily experience? Here area few nuggets of advice to help you regain control.
Relax your standards, at least a little. Unrealistically high expectations are, ultimately, unsustainable and can damage your physical and emotional health. Perfectionism can be a wicked trap, an ideal that is unattainable.
When your plate is too full, say “No” or negotiate. Not sure how? Consider putting off the answer until you can form your comfortable “no” response. Or maybe you don’t know the right words to use to say “no” without feeling guilty. Real Simple’s “10 Guilt-Free Strategies for Saying No,” is a great place to start.
Stop doing for others what they can do for themselves. Instead, coach and encourage to build their confidence to act independently. Struggling with the notion that no one will do it as well as you? Will they do it well enough? In most cases, done is better than perfect.
If you’re busy, busy, busy, but you don’t feel productive, your real issue might be that you’re disorganized, or you’re not tackling your highest priorities when you’re at your best. Identify an organizing system that works for you, one that focus on how to make sure you’re getting the important things done.
So, the next time a request for your precious time and energy arrives on your threshold, before saying yes, step back and consider whether saying yes best serves you. If it doesn’t, honor yourself by kindly saying “no” or delegating to someone who will benefit from the experience.
How To Stop Feeling Like A Fraud
Do you ever feel like you’re not really competent, but everyone else is? Do you sometimes feel like you’re acting as if you belong, but you don’t. Figure that it won’t be long until you’re found out? When others praise your work or compliment you, do you doubt their sincerity or feel like the recognition is undeserved? Well, here’s a news flash: that makes you like a lot of other people.
Dr. Valerie Young calls it the Impostor Syndrome. According to Dr. Young, if you’re one of the first or among the few women or minorities in your field or work place, it’s natural to sometimes feel like you don’t totally fit in.
Here are several things you can do to confront and shift insidious self-doubt:
- Practice being confident. Say to yourself, “I believe in my ability to learn what I need to know, solve problems, find the right resources when I need them, and live my life on my terms.” Your thoughts shape how you think about yourself. Choosing to think positively about your own ability allows you to control the your self-image.
- Do a reality check and test your assumption about what you fear you lack, don’t know or can’t do. Ask someone you trust for feedback.
- Develop your personal power and presence by better understanding who you truly are beneath the labels you’ve picked up along your journey.
- Check out Dr. Valerie Young’s 10 Ways to Stop Feeling Like A Fraud.
End self-sabotaging thoughts and unleash your true potential. Pick up a copy of my book, “LIES That Limit: Uncover the Truth of Who You Really Are.” Available on Amazon for only $5.95 for your Kindle or other e-reader. Just $11.96 for hard copies.
Need A Little Attitude Adjustment At Work?
Do you have the same mindset as Earvin “Magic” Johnson? He says, “I am a businessman. This is what I do each and every day. I love it. I love coming to work. I never have a bad day.”
Do you feel the same way? Do you love your work? Daily, do you get up and go at it with passion, enthusiasm, and excitement? If not, you may need an infusion of optimism.
Beginning now, no more complaints. Complaining gives power to the negative. Talking about the aspects of your work that you don’t like fills your mind with thoughts that can snowball. Just like thinking positive can lift your spirits, negative thinking and negative talking can drag you down and make a challenging situation worse.
Find the good and make that your focus. You may be pleased to have a role that uses your skills, or appreciative for flexible work arrangements. The people with whom you interact might stimulate you, or you may simply be grateful for a job that pays the bills or supports your child’s education. These are all good reasons to show up and do a good job. Your list of positives may be different, but there’s always something that makes going to work worth your while.
If you can’t find anything good to focus on about your job, maybe it’s time to make a move. Examine the things you’re whining about with an eye toward growth. Your whining may hold the key to identifying the things you can get excited about in a new job opportunity.
But for now, to start on the path to feeling more like Magic Johnson – loving going to work and never a bad day, let go of complaints and annoyances. Give your full attention to the positives in your work life and you’ll succeed in spite of circumstances.
Let Me Help You Live Stress-Free.
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